The Onion News Archive
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Latest news articles from The Onion:
- 'C-List Celebrity Killer' Leaves Police Enthusiastically Guessing Who's Next
- Microsoft Releases New Patch
- [audio] Procrastinating Congressional Candidate Will Eventually Release Rival's Drug-Arrest Record
- Personal Assistant Called After Scary Dream
- Ed Bradley Dies
- English Teacher On First Date In Ages Lets Dangling Modifier Slide
- Laid-Off Ford Employee Decides To Start Own Car Company
- Cell-Phone Infertility
- [audio] Wet-T-Shirt Contest Runner-Up Consoled
- [audio] Radio Station Begs Listeners To Come Down And See Guy In Tomato Costume
- Report: More U.S. Soldiers Suffering From Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder
- New Ed McMahon Autobiography Reveals He Slept With 7 Women
- Guy 'Just Giving You A Hard Time' Truly Despises You
- I Don't Make My Jukebox Selections For The Recognition
- I'll Give Birth Anywhere